Oscar...Oscar...Oscar...

What were they thinking? If three men showed up at a formal wedding –black bridle couple, black-tie ceremony, getting married ––three white men, wearing jeans, wedding party would feel?

Yes, we were once treated to Bab’s beautiful bare bottom, when she co-won with Katherine Hepburn and Sasheen Littlefeather’s Indian leather skin dress when she subbed for Marlon Brando’s snub of Oscar. But: The people nominated for ‘Song’ showed up in jeans cuz –that’s ‘their thing’ –that’s ‘hood’ way –didn’t have money to dress appropriately? A Wedding party –on seeing jean-clad yuckers – ‘that’s just what white does’? Not.

Baseball caps, sweats, baggy street clothes –at Academy Awards Ceremony? –Dress code for everyone else –Rules don’t apply –they’re special? Can’t be bothered? Then: Don’t bother showing up. They Weren’t special. Rude, arrogant, disrespectful. Academy: What were you thinking? –They acted like low-life trash; you enabled. You Should have prevented them from going on stage.

Sidney Poitier, yup. –Johnny Carson any way or Bob Hope, at his funny height –not available. But Their heir David Letterman –as sharp funny sly as it gets –got another passed-over. –Chross Pebble –Whimpi-lectures-Goldbit –doing version of boring, making dumb swipes at actors –thanks for not flinging at us this year. Steve Martin –Billy Crystal –yup, any time, any year –and the Oscar goes to –Jon Stewart. Subtle, funny, on point, sophisticated, witty. SOLD. We’ll take him. Sign him up –fast. Good job Academy.

But: Those who died since last Awards Ceremony, should have been honored, All of them.

Walking down the promenade –maybe most disciplined elegant professional beautiful person ever to appear in film, transformed, submerged herself to tell alcoholism, death of a child story, to waiting microphones –for –“who made the dress”??? The person, the story, the film, the issues –reduced to who made dress Grace Kelly wore? ‘Who loaned you jewelry? ‘Who’s stuff did you borrow’??? –Katherine Hepburn –Cary Grant –Bogart –Gary Cooper –Garbo –would have –tolerated such stupid questions?

To each who walked the line: What were you thinking? The real question: ‘Why did you hire yourself out –as a clothes hanger? –‘Why did you sell yourself –so cheaply’? Why –dignify the question –with an answer? Correct answer to such banality: ‘If you’ll forgive me for not answering I’ll forgive you for asking’ or even better: silence.

If you work for TV station, connected to a twit hogging a microphone: WHAT were you thinking? Get a grip. Nobody gives a damn what clothing label says. –Not clever amusing of any interest. –13 year-olds way Aren’t going to be buying, adults in debt to the max, haven’t got anywhere to go in those. –Wealthiest 1% –won’t want copies. Ever read sections of any newspapers? People got their jobs exported; thousands added their name to Food Stamp and to Aide to Families rolls. –Way Disrespectful: ‘who made the clothes.’ Quit asking; quit showing. Pretend you have some dignity, Try Real questions: ‘What causes are important to you’ –‘What books did you read past year’ –‘What movies should be made’ –‘What would you like to see happen next twelve months’? ‘What will you be doing to make it happen?’

Academy Members: A man is introduced TO a woman; younger TO senior adult; friends TO the newcomer/ guest. Not the other way. A man shakes hands with a woman only if she extends hand first. Once seated, the proper way to applaud: one hand remains fixed, the other brought to it. Any/every other way: makes you look unsophisticated, ill-educated, vulgar. Yup, manners matter. It's the 'glue' that makes life more pleasant. Children are watching.

Academy –showing off free stuff given to the under-worked obscenely over-paid by advertisers –just for showing up, What were you thinking? —Way not a ‘draw’ to induce people to watch Awards show. But Is vulgar; very poor PR. No one cares, Stop doing it. The show? “Best” song –‘pimp my—’ –ghetto/street/rap sound –in the tradition of “Moon River” –dozens of well-written beautiful lyrics of past Academy winners? Really? What were they thinking –the producers who asked that to be part of a movie, the voters who nominated it, Academy that elected it “Best” “Song”??? Can you just see farmers, librarians, ranchers, young lovers, writers, brokers, teachers, sales people, parents –uh humming that?

But that ‘song’ coupled with “Best Picture” winner –and not homosexual cowboy movie, does induce suspicion: awards got ‘fixed’? After nominations announced many quoted variations of ‘not my kind of movies.’ Rap sound –ditto. So Motion Picture Arts & Sciences –did the voodoo they do so well –changed the winners –to help their image –to appeal to more viewers…? Think about it…. If ‘gay cowboys’ took the Oscar –would have also taken –away even more from seeing movies...? –it is called show business....

Afterwards: What were they thinking –twits with microphones –each paired with scruffy elderly male homosexuals –doing commentary, 'reviews' on clothing worn by heterosexual females –uhm, Why? Was it breast-envy? WHY would viewers care about their opinions? Get a grip.

Academy, someone needs to tell you: Figure out your strengths, go with those. Golden Globes: socially relevant, charming, earthy, clubby. Stop trying to do a better version. Academy Awards –tradition, history, Class, Greatness. Go with Those. Males: should be dressed in white tie and tails –yes, tails. Women: ball gowns. Stick to arms-length elegance, less information –PR –hype -swinging of baubles is more. Making Good Stories written –acted –directed well, to honor wouldn’t hurt either.

Does any of this matter? “Birth of a Nation”… “Withering Heights”… “Twelve Angry Men” …“High Noon”… “Gone With the Wind”… “From Here to Eternity”… “Diary of Anne Frank”… Fred & Ginger… “Notorious”… “The Razor’s Edge”… “Holiday”… “True Grit”…“National Velvet”…“The Graduate”…“Cat on a Hot Tin Roof”… “The Godfather”… WW II movies –mattered… sometimes something we didn’t know, sometimes delight, sadden, enrage …sometimes entertainment, respite….

Head of a studio? What were you thinking? If a movie HAS BEEN made –it’s a has been –over –done. –We’ve already seen it –can rent it –see it in art house. Read slowly, write it down: we DON’T want to see second-rate actors trying to imitate great ones in story already made to perfection. –Way not gonna give you $10, $11 + to see –a bore. Don’t make it again. All those people you pass in the hall on the way to your office? Not a one of those MB-wise-Ass bean-counters would say “Yes” –to a “Chinatown.” –Or even get it –they’re only into keeping a job –not making good movies. Toss ‘em. TRY to make the connection: if you make GOOD movies –we’ll see them. We ain’t gonna go see your latest waste of millions –get trapped with commercials –get more abuse with products shoved into scenes (–How much money is enough for you?) –because you book a bimbette on a Sale show who ‘divulges’ some personal drivel while she’s flogging some junk. Nope. –Not as long as there are independent people with cameras who care about movies. Fergetabotit.

Here’s another tip: take good hard look at Washington –“Defense” soaking-up-money-dept., invasions, Congress, technology, science –spirituality. Pay Writers what they’re worth, to tell those stories. Michael Moore proved the market. Not an actor on the planet who can do Any Thing worth $20 million bucks. In the meantime: Keep on making those trailers –we can see/figure out whole thing from those, save money, get entertainment remedy elsewhere.